Love is supposed free and innocent and not expecting anything in return. It should come unexpectedly and with no complications. If there is a tiny bit of doubt or complication - something might be wrong. Because when two people are in love they overlook any obstacle and make their love matter and be more important than whatever it is that is standing in their way. Love should make you want to show and display your affection for that one person in public and you should never have any regrets. Falling in love can be scary for various reasons but if the person is right, you will take the leap of faith and face the fear of being vulnerable before someone. You will be willing to put their happiness before yours. And if in some cases this means letting someone go and see if they come back so be it. Love is the art of being with someone and being yourself at the same time without compromising your relationship. It is understanding each other with no words are spoken and being there for each other. How do you know when it’s real? You will feel it in their touch, see it in their eyes and your heart will tell you that there’s no other place you’d rather be. Listen to your heart, and you will know.
*I do not own any rights for the picture below, all rights reserved by the owner
*I do not own any rights to this picture and it is used for the blog purposes only
*this post was written in 2014 and I think it is a relevant one to be shared today
The first relationship any girl comes across in her life is that with her father. Every girl’s first encounter with a man is when she opens her sleepy eyes and says ‘daddy’ for the first time. Her father becomes then a picture of a man that one day she will meet and marry and have a family of her own. It is crucial that this relationship blossoms even at the very early stages. A girl will never forget how her father has treated her. Her father becomes someone she looks up to and one day she will come to him for an advice on her own relationship with her boyfriend. A relationship should be so strong that the girl feels comfortable enough to open up to her father about anything. No matter how protective of his little girl the father is, he has to understand that one day his baby will fly away, and it would be much better if she confided in him and trusted him her darkest secrets. Psychologists have conducted endless studies on the importance of father-daughter relationship and the effect it has on the girls’ life later on. So how is it even possible that will all the research and awareness of the matter available there are still families that fail to establish this relationship which is further reflected on the child's happiness?
When growing up a girl needs someone in her life to tell her that she is beautiful, smart and should be treated with respect, every girl should be valued for what she is. No matter of her looks or intelligent abilities, the girl looks for reassurance in hope to find some in her father’s eyes. This very first relationship pretty much determines how further encounters will develop. A lot of us out there, know a little of fatherly love, so when we meet a man we often stand speechless since we don’t know how to respond to these unknown feelings and attention. I guess in a way, it makes us stronger and more prepared for the day when the man we love betrays us or offends us, at least we are used to the pain. At the same time, it makes us weaker, it breaks our hearts, the fact that our fathers looks through us and notice only the things they want to see.
A girl learns a lot from observing and the first relationship she is introduced to i.e. the relationship of her parents. Theoretically, this relationship should set an example for what it is like to have a family and care for each other. Consequently, when a girl wakes up every morning to screaming and arguing between her parents, she forms a certain picture in her head. The thing is that when she is young, she chooses ignorance, ignorance is bliss after all. She chooses to look past all the arguments and screaming, partially because she is not even sure of what is happening. In her teenage years, she is just discovering herself and the opposite sex and is going through the rite of passage; it is almost like she has no time for anything else but herself. However, when she gets to a point, where life is no longer a blur but a pieced together picture, she starts to understand life a little better. At some point she becomes realistic and she starts questioning the concept of marriage: what if the same happens when I get married? Will my husband scream and shout and blame me for everything?
Simply because it is the only way they would have seen things develop, they start imagining and picture their own future. Will it reflect the ‘happy marriage’ of our parents? These thoughts can get to us, to our hearts, so much so that our hearts close to everyone and everything around us. We walk past the nice men because we don’t trust them and we are attracted to the ‘macho men’ and then end up crying anyway when hurting after a betrayal break up. Ironic isn't it?
This thought process mainly talks about the girls but I am pretty sure that boys are influenced by the family relationship just as much, after all it is their first encounter with relationships as well.
I guess the day that I decide to start a family, I want to be with a man who will respect me and treat me well, but most importantly I would like to be with a man that will appreciate our daughter, love her no matter how she looks or no matter how high her IQ is. I would like to be with a man who will teach her to love herself and know that his daughter is a princess, someone who will put our daughter off to a right start in life. It is strange, before when I thought of my perfect man, I thought of a handsome blond with blue eyes who would show me a world from a different perspective, and trust me I still do want to meet that man. Today, however, I realised that the man I would like to end up with, will also know the value of a family and will treat all family members well. It is funny, isn't it, how with age our priorities change…
Love and fear, for some of us, go together hand in hand. When you have truly loved before and been heartbroken, next time you have such feelings you become more protective of your heart. Being in love, you open your soul to someone and become quite vulnerable and it is a scary feeling. Of course, there is nothing better than sharing everything about yourself with that one person yet the risks of getting hurt are that much higher. So, does it mean that just because we have this fear we should not pursue love?
It is funny, ironic even, we all want to feel love and fall in love with someone and yet when it actually happens we run away from it and put up the walls to protect ourselves and then before we even know it miss out on a chance of having something truly amazing.
I have been hurt before and many times I have thought to myself, I am better off without love. And yet, when I meet someone and develop feelings for them, I am willing to take that risk again and expose my heart. The thing is once you are involved with someone, you have to account for them too and you can't make a decision to be on your own and just put the other person in awkward position by taking that decision.
Falling in love will always be scary and exciting at the same time. Think about it though: are you more scared of falling in love and feeling vulnerable or scared that you will never share a moment with your loved one again? What is the bigger fear? In any case, we should not let our fear interfere with our feelings and cloud our judgements. After all, we only live once and we have one chance to make a life that we would be happy with, so forget about everything and finally let go of fear.
When you are lost and standing at the crossroads, how do you know that the next turn you take is the right one? Do you just trust life and let it be or do you try to make an estimated calculation and a more rational decision? How do you ever know?
The answer is rather simple: you learn to trust your heart and yourself. You close your eyes and take a deep breath and before you even know it in a blink of an eye, your heart will whisper which road to take. Sometimes we need to accept it that it doesn’t always go the way you plan or the way you hope it would go. And then again you have to trust your heart and let go.
Learbing to trust your heart is important and not only when it comes to relationships. You should know that no matter the advice your friends and family give you, the only person who truly knows what’s best for you is you. So you pull yourself together and start accepting this the way they are. And in that moment the right door will open up before you.
Just trust yourself and have absolutely no regrets.
As some of you may know, I am a true hopeless romantic and I would like us to talk about romance today. For a lot of people romance is associated with expensive gifts, flowers and grand gestures, which is true these things are part of romance but there is more to it than meets the eye.
Romance is also about being able to express your feelings without making any grand gestures, without posting your photos on social media and by simply knowing how the other person feels just by looking into their eyes. It is about holding hands when you take a walk and about putting your loved one's comfort before yours. It is about not being afraid to be yourself with the person you love and to be authentic with each other.
Today, we have lost some of this notion of romance. Social Media has created a certain standard that couples should follow and has put some pressure on the couples to behave in a certain way. We have now focused our attention to the stereotypical criteria of romance: does he pay for you on a date? or does he buy you flowers or chocolates? But in the nutshell these are things that we can talk about with our friends because not many people can talk openly about their feelings and open their heart to someone and much easier to talk about clichés.
So, as you can guess this section is dedicated to love and relationships. I am no relationship guru, trust me. I have been in love once, hopefully not the last time. As many of you out there I know the feeling when your heart stops for a second when you receive a message from your loved one and also know the feeling of being heart broken. My story, like any other, involves a major disappointment in someone I loved and idealised. He was everything I ever pictured in a man and yet he managed to drop me down, my self-esteem and confidence literary dropped dead. Long story short, he stood me up, after having invited me over to a different country, mind you I had to take a flight and book a hotel, and he never showed. Heartbroken, to say the least. And yet, I am thankful to this man, because he made me realise that I needed to change something in my life and so I did.
After that, my outlook towards relationships had slightly shifted. Of course, I am looking forward to falling in love again with someone who can see me and like me for who I am. Yet, today, I take relationships differently. For starters, I am more protective of my heart, so I do not let just anyone in. I also started avoiding labels like "boyfriend" and "girlfriend", which is probably not the best thing either. Because when you love someone you want the entire world to know. I have learnt a few things on the way as well:
- If a man likes you, he will make the effort to see you and be worthy of you
- If a man only wants you for sex, he will also make it clear
- In which case, don't try and make him want more
- You will end up heart broken
- You have to let the man feel that it was his decision fo you to be together
- You can't view men, as sole providers for the family: a man is not attracted to a woman that sits at home all day, or spends hours in the gym only and shopping, believe it or not sometimes men like to talk as well.
- Men are attracted to women that have at least a hobby, preferably a job
As I said I am not a relationship guru but wanted to share these thoughts with you. In this section, you will read more of this kind of posts inspired by personal experiences or further observations of reality around me.
Let me know in the comments below, if you would like to hear my thoughts on something that has been on your mind.