Today, I have really been inspired and I wanted to share my thoughts with you on friendships. We go through various stages of our lives and make friends as we go along on the journey of life. Sadly, or as life would have it - we do not always get to stay in touch with the friends that we have made in elementary school, high school or even college. All we get is an occasional Facebook notification to congratulate XXX on their wedding or on a birth of a child. In some ways, this makes you re-asses your own life and makes you want to reconnect with the friends from your past to catch up and reminisce about the good old days.
However, there is that slight minority of people, with whom we stay in touch for years, decades and we know we will have each other in our lives no matter the distance nor the time zones. Being surrounded by friends is what keeps us going every day: having a shoulder to count on, someone who has our backs. If you have the circle of friends that you have created for yourself - appreciate them, do not hurt them and take care of them.
So, today, I would like to talk about friendship between men and women. The endless question is this even possible? In my 20 something years, I have been through this one too many times to know the challenges of such friendships.
So, as I am the walking example of relationship mishaps - I've been there as well. I've become friends with someone, who ironically today is a very close friend of mine, and when we became friends, for a moment there was a spark and we went for it. Yes, it was great while it lasted but then when it was over our friendship was a fly at risk - and for me to be able to keep up this friendship is a sign of maturity on both of our parts.
As someone wise once said, any kind of relationship should not be complicated, as soon as it gets weird or tense - turn the other way. And just as any relationship - friendships take time and effort and need to be maintained, it is a two way street so to speak.I am thankful to have the people in my life that I can call friends and thankful for all their support over the years.
The question remains however: what do you do if you are in the friendship - friend zone limbo? Do you act on your feelings and put the friendship at risk? Can you overcome the break up if that happens and still be friends? Do you have friends in common - would that have an impact on them? Or do you just screw everything to pieces and take a shot - because if you do not kiss the person you will never find out what you may be missing out on?
As a hopeless romantic, I would say go for it. And yet as someone who has been there, I would say boyfriends/girlfriends come and go and friends they stand by our side forever.
What inspired me to write about this? Well, I think that it is a subject of interest for many of us out there - I am myself in no way involved in any friendships of such kind, the past is in the past and the page must be turned over. You learn from your experience and keep only good memories for the future chapter of our lives, right?
*I do not own any rights to the picture below - it is used for the blog post only
In the last couple of weeks, I have come upon an observation that we take relationships and matters of heart, well, way too close to heart. It is the truth universally acknowledge that the simpler we are and the less we look for love, the more unexpectedly it finds us. That being said, there is nothing wrong with being playful and playing the field until you find someone you are feeling your best with. That's right, you are not looking for someone to complete you, this is an illusion. You are looking for someone who brings out the best in you and accepts you at your worst, and someone you are happy to accept when they are at their lowest point and encourage them to be a better person.
Someone once said that it is not necessarily the person that makes your knees weak, and your palms all sweaty that will be your THE ONE. It is the person that you are most comfortable and calm with, the person that makes your bad day better and with whom breakfast is just that much more delicious. It is someone that you enjoy waking up to and saying goodnight too - first thought in the morning and last thought at night.
So, many of us out there start questioning love and how it works, and start thinking why is it that they cannot find someone in the world full of options. Some people start overthinking the matter to the point that they want to change countries - I am one of those people. I thought that relocation might be the answer to this unsolvable question. And yet, life has proven me wrong. Some people, overthink the matter that they become less confident in themselves and search for answers and want to dig deep until their questions are answered.
Social media and dating apps are only a brief momentary distraction, which for a second help us to see that not all hope is lost. They reinstate hope, at least for a one night stand, and they boost your confidence level, well at least for one night. Yet after that night is over - you are back to square one - questioning your own existence in pursuit of happiness. That is another mistake on our parts by the way, we think that our happiness depends on whether or not we are in a relationship. Well, remember, happiness is a state of mind, and it is the journey not the destination, so whether you are single or coupled up as long as you feel happy, that is all that matters.
Anyway, back to my original point: the pursuit for love should be simplified:
So no matter what you do, Keep It Simply, Stupid. Yes, in that order - simply and stupid and do not be afraid of being yourself. If you pretend to be someone else, how would someone notice your uniqueness and your awesomeness.
We live in the world of digital dating and in the world of overthinking. Sometimes we try to find happiness so hard that we do not see what is right in front of us, and sometimes, the fear of commitment takes the best of us. At first I thought that this issue only exists in Switzerland, a country where the young people are relatively close and less outgoing, which makes it that much more difficult to meet someone in a bar, or at a party.
After having had a few conversations with my friends from all over the world, I figured it is not just a Swiss problem, but it is the generation of today. We find it easier to hide behind a dating app then to make contact in person for various reasons: if we get rejected - we do not have to face that person, we can just un-match, if we see that the conversation is not going well, we can just stop replying, well you get the picture.
Whilst the dating apps can be fun for a while, it may get boring or repetitive after a certain time. Honestly, out of several matches, I have probably agreed to 10 dates out of which there were only 3 that I actually went on. I hate to admit this, but I cancel often on the dates, not because the person is not interesting or what not - but simply because if I see that there is no spark or potential - I do not see the point going on any further. I still believe that in in-person contact and that when you meet your person, you know it, because you both feel it.
Anyway, as a single 26 year old, I have decided to write about the struggles that every 20 something might experience while being single, so here it goes:
The thing is that whether it is dating apps, meeting at work or at a bar, when you meet your person - you will know it right after. At the end of the day, it is the butterflies in your stomach, the little hearts in your eyes and the feeling of warmth that come over you when you look at the person you like and you know right away that they feel the same way. It is in the eyes of your partner, when you talk to him/her and you can feel that they are looking at you and smiling with their eyes. It is when in silence, you can still hear their laughter and feel comfortable with not saying anything - because it means so much to you to just hold hands and be together. So no matter the struggles, there is someone out there for everyone and maybe, we need to go and meet more than two people in our lives and maybe we need to go and make mistakes before we finally come to meet someone we get to call MY PERSON.
Today, I would like to talk about heartbreaks. Some of you are reading this and asking yourself "why did she pick a sad subject for today's post"? Well, that is precisely why. Breaking up is hard and depressing and we think that our world is crashing but then maybe we are so blinded by our momentary pain that we do not see the silver lining of the situation.
Every goodbye, and every heart break is a lesson that comes into our life when we need it most. Throughout any relationship you discover the person you are with and learn so much about yourself. The thing is that with time we grow, as people, and it may happen that you have outgrown your partner in one way or the other and although you still love them and probably always will love them, you cannot be together because it may be is not challenging anymore or you drive yourself towards something that your partner is not ready for yet.
Break ups are like mosquito bites. At first, you don't fully realise that this is happening, then you notice some irritation and then you try to get rid of this irritation, in a break up scenario this may be calling you ex when you should not, and then after a few days, you go back to normal like the break up never happened.
The thing is that I am thankful to all my exes and for everything they have taught me and for making me the person that I am today. I used to not believe in a potential friendship between exes and actually I still do not. If you are over - you are over - no looking back.
Those of you reading and knowing my life story must be thinking what a hypocrite. Well, it is different when you break up with someone you were never in a relationship to begin with. An almost relationship heartbreak is the worse. You were never together so you do not get to cry about the break up or dink up your sorrow because it was never exclusive, it is more like loosing a longterm crush. And yes, you can recover from this and still be on good terms with the person. Maybe on some strange level, this is called maturity.
Breaking up is never easy - but think about it: every break up brought you to a new person, a person you are probably seeing now or someone you are going to meet soon. I think that is positive because if there was no break up, you would not be who you are, you would not have met the person you are in love with today, you would still be making same mistakes as before and your life would be as steady as it could ever be. Every relationship has to evolve and progress at some point.
I also see heartbreaks as a sign from above protecting you from a possible future life that would not be good for you. Life has a way of figuring itself out and yes, sooner or later the right person will walk into your life and you will not have to go through a break up anymore, just trust yourself and trust life and learn from your past to create a better present.