As per some requests over the winter break, I am now embarking on the journey of blogging and sharing my thoughts with you on the matters of heart. For this particular post, the feelings, advice and lessons learnt come from my personal recent experience and so I feel deeply for anyone out there that is now in an ALMOST relationship. First of all, let us define what an almost relationship even means: in my dictionary this term refers to an open relationship, where one of the party would not commit for 100% and yet would lead on hope for an exclusive relationship nonetheless. Others define an almost relationship, as follows:
An almost relationship is like a real relationship but it's never actually defined as such. You have the same experiences, feelings and moments without the title.
Being in an almost relationship, well quite frankly, sucks. Whether you are a woman or a man that find yourself in such situation, you would know that you feel like you are giving your all to a person who cares only just a bit. You can never take trips together, go to shows, barely display any affection in public and sometimes when one of these actually takes place - you have your hopes high again. Well, maybe our relationship is shaping up - you may think. Yet a few weeks, or days down the line you are back at square one.
It is hard to realise when you are in almost relationship, especially, if it has been going on for a while and you have developed feelings for someone. In some cases, an almost relationship could start off as being friends with benefits, or with the words "let's enjoy the moment, who cares about the labels?", And then in a blink of an eye, you find yourself 4 months later questioning if the other person is seeing other people, what status you hold in his/her eyes and is there even a future for a relationship. We can be so easily blinded by the feeling of love that even after we talk to our person and tell them how we feel, we keep on making excuses for them, defending them in the eyes of our friends and family. Sometimes we go deep into denial of the situation, and live on the hope that one day, everything will fall into place as it should. So here's tough love my darlings: if a person wants to be with you, they will be - no excuses. Ladies, if a guy is thinking about you, he will message you. If he loves you, he won't cheat on you, because you do not hurt someone you love and you respect your own choice of a significant other. Trust me, I learnt this the hard way.
The thing is, we often go into an almost relationship because we are either lacking self confidence, or have just gotten out of a complicated relationship and having someone around you without any sign of a commitment could be seen as an easy solution to the problem. However, in all this beautiful mess one may never forget self respect. Remember that you are worth so much more and you are good enough to be someone's girlfriend or boyfriend and if the bloody idiot does not see it - run away or move them to a strictly friend zone area.
Once you realise that you are in an almost relationship, which may take some people 4 months or a year, you have to figure out how to deal with it. Personally, I went on a cleanse and hence the series of posts on a Make Over. I even drew out my life, on the left side drawing my current situation and on the right side drawing what I wish for, I have used diagrams to help me figure out who I am and why I am feeling so upset and depressed all the time. It is because there was a person in my life that did not value me for who I was and indirectly this was affecting my self-confidence.
If I could list down a few things one should always remember when being in any relationship this would be it:
I am sure there are a few other things one could add to the list. Being in an almost relationship hurts because you loose someone or miss someone you never truly had in the first place. And that is the worst kind of stage of missing someone. You are strong enough to handle an almost relationship, when you realise that this person is not the only one in the world, and you are worth more than that.
When you hit this realisation, you start living for yourself, you are not afraid to close the door or at least shut it for a while to the person who hurt you the most and start to truly enjoy your life. When you are enjoying your life, you become like a magnet for positive energy and are attracting the people with similar vibes and habits and interests to yours. Girls also tend to change their hair style, some other people take up fitness or learning a new language or playing an instrument - all of which are positive distractions and will help you move forward.
You learn a lot from your almost relationships, you need to confront and accept the situation as it is, embrace and spin it to your advantage. You become the person you are supposed to be, and it prepares you for the next relationship you will have with a person who will make you happy, and will appreciate you for who you are.