Many of us out there often confuse the feeling of being alone and the feeling of being lonely. If you are reading this and asking yourself "well what is the difference?" - keep reading.
For one to feel alone and feel comfortable with this feeling one needs to be comfortable with their own self, comfortable with being alone, and not needing anyone else to make their life better. One needs to realise that they are a good company and appreciate themselves and therefore, know their value and worth. Being alone is nothing to be ashamed of or scared of, though many of us out there are in fear of facing our own thoughts alone. One can be in a healthy relationship and still have days when they feel like they need their alone time e.g. read a book in a coffeeshop, take a spa day or simply go on a hike and reconnect with oneself. Being alone does not necessarily mean that one is upset or tired or has a sense of longing, or missing someone.
Feeling lonely is a feeling that can be felt when we are single or in a relationship. When you are in relationship and you still feel lonely, re-think your relationship. How is this possible, you may ask. Well, think about it: does your partner listen to your stories? does he/she care about how your day went? are they considering your feelings when making an important couple's decision?
I have been in a relationship before, where I felt the loneliness at nights though I was not spending the night alone. And there were times when I felt more as a whole and happy, when I was completely alone.
So what to do and how to deal with lingering feeling of loneliness?
If you are in a relationship and feeling lonely - hit pause. Take a day off and spend sometime on your own. Try to think about where you are in a relationship and go back to the roots of why this feeling came upon you in the first place. The next thing would be to talk to your person about this and see how the conversation goes. Whatever happens next is entirely up to you.
If you are single and you are feeling lonely, well, that's a very common issue. Just remember not to settle for someone you do not love, just because you feel like you want someone to be part of your life to kill the lonely nights. Do not dive into something just for the sake of it. Trust me it will hurt more in the long run when you settle for something just because you fear that this feeling of loneliness will never go away.
Trust me when you find your soulmate, you will feel it. You will see it in their eyes, you will have similar ideas and tastes and you will never feel bored together. You will never have to doubt how they feel about you. Most importantly, you will feel that they are willing to fight for you and they accept you for who you are and for them you are perfect just the way you are.
Do not feel tempted or rushed or pressured by the society to be with someone. Do not let that feeling of loneliness overcome you. Remember sometimes being alone is better than being with someone who simply does not care about you and makes you feel lonely.
As per some requests over the winter break, I am now embarking on the journey of blogging and sharing my thoughts with you on the matters of heart. For this particular post, the feelings, advice and lessons learnt come from my personal recent experience and so I feel deeply for anyone out there that is now in an ALMOST relationship. First of all, let us define what an almost relationship even means: in my dictionary this term refers to an open relationship, where one of the party would not commit for 100% and yet would lead on hope for an exclusive relationship nonetheless. Others define an almost relationship, as follows:
An almost relationship is like a real relationship but it's never actually defined as such. You have the same experiences, feelings and moments without the title.
Being in an almost relationship, well quite frankly, sucks. Whether you are a woman or a man that find yourself in such situation, you would know that you feel like you are giving your all to a person who cares only just a bit. You can never take trips together, go to shows, barely display any affection in public and sometimes when one of these actually takes place - you have your hopes high again. Well, maybe our relationship is shaping up - you may think. Yet a few weeks, or days down the line you are back at square one.
It is hard to realise when you are in almost relationship, especially, if it has been going on for a while and you have developed feelings for someone. In some cases, an almost relationship could start off as being friends with benefits, or with the words "let's enjoy the moment, who cares about the labels?", And then in a blink of an eye, you find yourself 4 months later questioning if the other person is seeing other people, what status you hold in his/her eyes and is there even a future for a relationship. We can be so easily blinded by the feeling of love that even after we talk to our person and tell them how we feel, we keep on making excuses for them, defending them in the eyes of our friends and family. Sometimes we go deep into denial of the situation, and live on the hope that one day, everything will fall into place as it should. So here's tough love my darlings: if a person wants to be with you, they will be - no excuses. Ladies, if a guy is thinking about you, he will message you. If he loves you, he won't cheat on you, because you do not hurt someone you love and you respect your own choice of a significant other. Trust me, I learnt this the hard way.
The thing is, we often go into an almost relationship because we are either lacking self confidence, or have just gotten out of a complicated relationship and having someone around you without any sign of a commitment could be seen as an easy solution to the problem. However, in all this beautiful mess one may never forget self respect. Remember that you are worth so much more and you are good enough to be someone's girlfriend or boyfriend and if the bloody idiot does not see it - run away or move them to a strictly friend zone area.
Once you realise that you are in an almost relationship, which may take some people 4 months or a year, you have to figure out how to deal with it. Personally, I went on a cleanse and hence the series of posts on a Make Over. I even drew out my life, on the left side drawing my current situation and on the right side drawing what I wish for, I have used diagrams to help me figure out who I am and why I am feeling so upset and depressed all the time. It is because there was a person in my life that did not value me for who I was and indirectly this was affecting my self-confidence.
If I could list down a few things one should always remember when being in any relationship this would be it:
I am sure there are a few other things one could add to the list. Being in an almost relationship hurts because you loose someone or miss someone you never truly had in the first place. And that is the worst kind of stage of missing someone. You are strong enough to handle an almost relationship, when you realise that this person is not the only one in the world, and you are worth more than that.
When you hit this realisation, you start living for yourself, you are not afraid to close the door or at least shut it for a while to the person who hurt you the most and start to truly enjoy your life. When you are enjoying your life, you become like a magnet for positive energy and are attracting the people with similar vibes and habits and interests to yours. Girls also tend to change their hair style, some other people take up fitness or learning a new language or playing an instrument - all of which are positive distractions and will help you move forward.
You learn a lot from your almost relationships, you need to confront and accept the situation as it is, embrace and spin it to your advantage. You become the person you are supposed to be, and it prepares you for the next relationship you will have with a person who will make you happy, and will appreciate you for who you are.
So it may be a little early to talk about the flowers, as the Valentines day is still miles away, but who says that you need to wait around until Valentine's Day to surprise your loved ones with flowers? Be it an anniversary, a birthday, or simply an occasion to share your love, nothing says "I love you" or "you mean everything to me" like a nice flower bouquet. In fact, it doesn't even have to be a bouquet: 1 red rose can say "you are the only one for me" and a few years into relationship it can say "you are still the only one I see". At the same time, 15 roses will say "I am sorry", whilst yellow tulips may convey jealousy and an end of friendship or relationship. Flowers can be used as a mean of communication if you are secretly crushing on someone but do not know how to say that and what a better way to express you secret admiration by sending a simple bouquet of Mimosas.
So, today, I have decided to break it down to a few flowers and their meanings. You can find the link to the complete list below the pictures.
Starting from the top:
Tulip (general): fame, perfect lover
Tulip (yellow): hopeless love or there is sunshine in your smile - I would avoid yellow for love though
Tulip (red): believe me
Tulip (variety in a bouquet): beautiful eyes
Roses (red): passion, love
Roses (white): purity, virginity
Roses (yellow): infidelity, jealousy
Roses (pink): desire
Mimosa: secret love
Hyacinth (Yellow): jealousy
Gerbera: You are the sunshine of my life
Gardenia: Secret love, you are lovely
Forget-Me-Not: Memories, True Love
Edelweiss: Noble, purity, courage, daring
Dandelion: Love, faithfullness
Daffodil: The sun is bright when I am with you, Respect, Sunshine, Unrequited love, Regard
Clover (white): Think of Me
Clover (4 leaf): Will you be mine?
Chrysanthemum: Joy, optimism, perfection
Camellia: perfection, gratitude
Bluebell: gratitude, constancy, humility
Baby's Breath: purity of heart, innocence
Bird of Paradise: Given by a woman to a man to symbolize faithfulness
*I do not own any copyright on the images
* information source on the meaning of the flower language: gardenerdy.com/list-of-flower-names-meanings-of-flowers
As some of you may know one my goals in life is to leave a footprint in someone's life and make a difference. If it is the last thing that I do, I'd like to leave a positive impact in this world or at least in the corner of the world, where people I care about live. I guess in a way, we all want to matter and we are all seeking that in one way or another. Another thing that we are looking for is acceptance and recognition and if we do not get that, we start seeking it somewhere else, and sometimes we forget that this may hurt someone along the way.
So, if you can relate to the post or if it speaks out to you, please let me know.
This week has been strange for me and I am not talking about the work. I am talking about this week being the time when I have realised a few things for myself and have decided that it was time to evaluate my life and take actions to become a better person. This week, I had celebrated my first year at the company that I work for. Naturally, it made me think about the growth and personal development but not only work wise. Here are a few things that crossed my mind:
What did I learn in one year: I have learnt that as long as you are doing a good job and have something to look forward to at work, you are following the right path. I have learnt that the people you work with can either make it or break for you and it should be one of the most important factors for you when you are considering a job change. I learnt that nothing is set in stone and things can change in a blink of an eye. And sadly, I learnt that no matter how hard you try to nourish your relationships with colleagues/friends/significant others, if they are not making that same effort - you are doomed.
What do I see has changed in me? In one year, I have become more confident in my role at my job and ironically lost any self-confidence I had left when it comes to being me around my friends. I already knew that a word is sharper than a knife and yet it hurt me the same when I heard something about myself that came from someone very close to my heart. I have also learnt that at times, I can be too naive and trustworthy and think well of everyone and then pay the price in one way or another. I have definitely gained more experience in this last year, which is always good and adding to my professional portfolio.
What have I achieved in the past year? My blog went live and this is an achievement in itself. I cut off any loose ends and relationships that hurt me. And although, this may not be technically an achievement - this is something that I have struggled with a lot. I learnt how to make decisions and how to let go of some things.
What do I need to improve and develop within myself?
Life has a way of making everything work out just the way it should. It is strange because no matter how much we try to keep someone in our life and make them a forever person, life will guide us towards someone who is meant to stay in our lives forever. The common mistake we make is trying to make a temporary person stay in our life for as long as possible. The thing is that they will stay forever in our hearts but maybe will be oceans apart. We are meeting people at the time when we need them most. Some of them come into our lives as lovers and leave as strangers. Some of them teach us the most important lessons in our lives: teach you how to love, and then let go, how to be more confident and then betray you, and most importantly show you that what does not kill you makes you stronger. If someone wants to leave you, let them go. If they are your forever person, they will come back to you and you will meet them just so unexpectedly in a bar, or a cinema, or while you are walking your dog. Even if you are otherwise engaged or with someone, I believe that it will work out for you to be together. How do I know this? Well for starters, sometimes we meet our forever person and then drift apart and then years later find our way back to each other's heart. In the meantime, we may have been married, divorced, dated, raised kids - but when we meet each other in 10/20/30 years from now our hearts will still skip a beat when we see each other.
write me a letter for everyday we spend apart
write me a song that I could hear in my heart
write about the sunshine, about the sea
show me the world through your eyes, so that I see
take me to somewhere, where magic exists,
make an unexpected turn, a random twist
brighten up my day with your beautiful smile
help me forget my troubles, at least for a while
save me from the darkness of the unknown
save me from my fears of being alone
never regret the lost voice of my prayer
come into my life like a breath of fresh air
write me a letter or write me song
something nice and easy so I can sing along
be the melody that feeds my heart
never let me know the feeling of us being apart
Over the last few days I have been thinking a lot about relationships and what a healthy relationship is and trying to figure out what is it that makes a difference. Indeed, my thoughts almost always came down to one question "Is there something wrong with me?" So, I started comparing myself to other girls around me and guess what? there was always someone prettier, smarter, successful, etc. and there always will be. I thought well maybe that means "relationships are not for me" and then I started once again comparing myself to other girls and this time I looked closer: all girls experience the same at some point in their lives. Whether they have just started dating, been engaged, had long term relationship, been in long distance-relationship, you name it, at least once in their lives they have shared my thoughts. So then I thought, maybe it is about the men that I chose to be with. Maybe I am making the wrong choice. And then it hit me: why is it that I think that the problem is with me? It is about self value and self appreciation. Self doubt and fear of not being enough will kill you inside and the man will just walk away feeling you more unhappy than ever. If you are reading this, remember you are worth way more than this.
Stop for a moment and take a breath and now think about it. No matter what you like like (blond, brunette, blue eyed, grey eyed, skinny, curvy, etc.) and no matter where you come from, you should know that you are unique in your own way and that a man should consider himself lucky to stand by your side. You should not compare yourself to anyone else in the room, because a man who sees your value will not look different way and seek something more. The more confident you are in YOU, the more attractive you will be.
Men come and go but your self confidence should never fade. Yes, we face situations in which sometimes we want to feel weak and be comforted by a loved one. The difference is, you do not ask for comfort - the right man will see it in your eyes. Just like you do not ask for love - the right person will show you their love every single day. The right person will never make you doubt yourself and will only inspire the confidence in you.
I was watching my favorite “Beauty and the Beast” and realized once again that this story tells much more than we hear at first. Belle falls in love with the beast despite his hot temper and sees straight to his heart. She learnt to be patient with him and never stopped believing that he has a good heart. Gaston the man that every girl chases turns out to be the real beast with selfish motives and no feelings for anyone else. The beast learns the hard way to love others and care for others. This should be a reminder to all of us that it’s not easy to find strength and to have faith but we can never give up on this. At the end, love conquers all. Maybe the reason why I love this story so much is because I can relate to Belle as a character “always stuck in a book” and living in my own world trying so very hard not to lose hope. Someone once said that it’s good to make this personal, because that’s how we know they matter. So another lesson, I learn each time is that caring about things is good, it makes them matter and makes all moments count.
All fairy tales end with a happily ever after leading us to believe that the happiness is found in love and that life after you have found « the one » is smooth. I believe in fairy tales and in happy endings and wish that life could be as simple as a book.
What does happily ever after mean? Is it the day we tie the knot with our loved one? Is it the day we fall in love? What if it for some of us it is not even related to love at all? What if for some of us happily ever after simply means being comfortable in our own life - whatever it is?
Are we conditioned to believe that live solves all of our problems? The thing is when it comes to the matters of heart, nothing is ever easy. It takes patience and time to figure out what you really want and what your loved one wants. Sometimes loving someone means letting them go to be with someone else because that is what is making them happy. When you are in love you put their happiness before yours and you care enough to make every moment count. Love doesn’t solve any problems. It makes us vulnerable and sometimes we are scared to be so.
Happily ever after may also be the day we signed the job contrat that we dreamt of in years. Or when your professional dreams realize.
Is it possible to have both: an outstanding career and a smooth personal life? Does one compromise the other?
The thing is that to me happily ever after is having the big picture: healthy lifestyle, a good career and a person that I can count on no matter what - someone I love. This is how I define happily ever after. Does that mean there will be no obstacles on the way? Or even once I reached there? Definitely not. There will be challenges every single step I take. And today I realized I am willing to take the risks, open my heart to someone and to take the leap in my career. Even if you fall down or get hurt on the way, it will only make you stronger and lead you to the life you are meant to have. No regrets. You can’t be happy and have regrets. Regrets make your heart heavier with thoughts. Let go of the regrets.
Live for yourself, whatever it may be. And remember, every ending is a new beginning. #lookingforward #noregrets #newadventure #happilyeverafter #loveandbeloved
Ever wonder what would make your life happier? Here are a few tips for you:
1. Smile: It is a proven fact that smiling helps your mind to enjoy every moment of your life and makes even stressful days much more enjoyable. Advice: smile at least 5 times a day!
2. Travel: Travel as often as you can. Even if it is for a weekend - just get out there and explore a new city or revisit a favourite place that you haven't been to in a long time! A change of scenery will change your mind and make your life so much more fun
3. No social media day: In fact scratch that, make it a no phone day! Get in touch with your friends, neighbours and colleagues by speaking to them and meeting them in person. Nothing that is happening on social media is more exciting than a night out with the your favourite people! Try that at least once a week and see how much happier you are!
4. Eat Healthier and Exercise: Alright, this is one of the "must haves" on the list, I agree. Admit it though, without this one on the list - life just becomes a serious routine with little excitement and challenge!
5. Spend a weekend at home cuddled in bed with a book/film: A few lazy people out there will definitely relate to this one! It is even better if you can share this one with your partner, significant other, your other half. When was the last time you spent time together? If you have to think about this, it is time to try staying in this weekend!
6. Pay attention to details: Stop focusing on the bigger picture and start noticing the little things in life! It may sound like nada but trust me it makes a difference!
7. Less negativity and more laughter: This one is important! Don't be afraid to let go of negative people/tasks/duties/emotions in your life! Let go of the pessimistic attitudes and surround yourself with laughter! Advice: if you have younger brothers, sisters, cousins, nieces, nephews, children - spend a day with them! Nothing brings more joy than being around kids!
8. You: No matter how funny or strange this may sound to you, but at the end of the day YOU are the only person who can make your life happier in so many ways! Follow your heart, don't be afraid to chase your dreams and live your life with no regrets! Remember people/society will judge you anyway, so you might as well make it worth the while!