Step 5: Learning to Forgive
Forgiveness is often seen as a sign of weakness or an act of good heart and the importance of forgiveness is underestimated. One thing I learned in this couple of weeks is that you forgive someone for you and not for them. Holding a grudge or seeking revenge hurts you more than them. The person who hurt you, walks away I to thin air continuing their life as it was and perhaps they are hurt to but that’s their personal feeling that you can’t change.
What you can do is forgive and let your heart be in peace. Yes, with time it will be easier to forgive and eventually to let go but it’s important to say « I forgive you ». It is equally important to say « I am sorry » and there’s nothing shameful in that but this shouldn’t be expected of the other person. Just because you would do it for someone doesn’t mean they’d do the same for you, so let go of any expectations. In fact, let go of any expectations and you will have a happier life.
What happens when you finally forgive someone?
You can breathe again. There is no heavy cloud overshadowing your thoughts. You stop caring about their lives and what is happening because for you, the issue is resolved and you are able to move on.
What happens when you hold on to the feeling of pain?
You feel pain in your chest, have trouble sleeping, overtaking, panic attacks (as happened in my case) and your heart might be seeking vengeance. It is like you have to prove something to the other person, but why? You do not ever have to prove anything to anyone - you may not even be in the wrong at all, so why waste time and energy on something that is not worth it?
So if you are ever at this point in your life, just ask yourself: Is it worth wasting more time on someone or something that has brought you pain?
The situation is only as important as you make it be, so keep that in mind - it helps you to move on to something new. We give importance to the situation by talking about it all the time, bringing it up randomly in conversations, and simply doubting your own decision over this situation. Let go of any thoughts, your time is better spent when focusing on something that matters more. Mind over matter.
Personally, I have realized it was time to let go of any loose ends and start fresh completely. Even though, someone wise told me that I am perhaps still holding on a little bit to the pain in my heart, and he might be right. They say, time heals all wounds, right?
Learning to forgive takes time and a lot of reflection and when you reach that point, you have reached a certain milestone in your life, a new level of maturity and understanding.
I am into week 3 of this make over and feeling much happier, calmer, relieved and learning how to take things slow.