Often, we hear that we need to set boundaries. Not standards, but boundaries. What is the difference you may ask? Well for me, having boundaries leads to having high standards. Yet today's post is not truly about setting either, today's post is about respecting both. The thing is boundaries just like goals are not that effective when they are just set and are not followed through with respect and actions.
Recently, I feel like I have been in a spectator's seat at a cheap theatrics show. Do not get me wrong, I enjoy theatre and appreciate the classics but being in the front seat of a cheap stand up comedy performed by amateurs was not something that I was planning on. Of course, life is a various acts performance and we all play parts in it, and some of us wear masks more comfortably than others. However, this does. not give anyone the right to disrespect the person in front of them or break the boundaries.
The boundaries are being set by an individual in order to protect themselves and also to know their own worth. For instance, a few of my boundaries now include:
The thing is that my list of boundaries can go on for a while and it is needed for me to set myself straight if I derive from the passage. It is also needed for me to be able to recognise the people that can respect my space - needless to say and just like in any other interaction - respect is mutual on both parties.
Recently, I have witnessed people not having their own thinking, people praising someone just because they have money and disrespecting others because of their title. Be it at work or in personal life, the acting that people in your life bring to the life show only works if they have an audience. I am starting to get sick and tired of the wannabes and of the type of people that are never at fault and somehow the blame always finds its place on someone else's shoulders.
In my previous post, I mentioned manipulation, well disrespecting someone is also a violation of their personal space and manipulation in a super perverted and twisted way. If you are dealing with someone like that in your life, do not make a scene in their one man sad little show - fucking walk away. Respect yourself enough, respect your boundaries enough to just walk away and create a better life for yourself without any of these people watching your every step - waiting for you to fail.
It appears to be practically impossible to absolutely avoid the subject of COVID 19. The virus that has entered our world out of nowhere, well we know it came from Wuhan but it was not expected; it appeared as a mushroom in our perfectly green gardens.
Of course, as any human being we were unhappy in our lives by default there was something missing; higher salary, lack of life partner, the fact that you had to go to school, trying to find a job - and the list is endless.
So when the crisis hit a lot of things were put into perspective:
Despite the great fact that we were able to take a step back from our lives and re-evaluate our priorities, we have endured some losses. For some of us out there the loss came in its worst shape and form when someone so close to our hearts was taken away from us; whilst others have suffered a financial loss and are now trying to make the ends meet.
In some cases, the virus has reunited families and in others has destroyed the, what may have been already, a broken home. For all single people out there, man, guys, I hear you - this may have been by far the most challenging period of our lives and yet has truly shown who our people really are. The reaction to the situation from some people was both worrying and uninspiring. The panic that was created and further inspired by the media was at some point truly unbearable.
So since this experience has been a rollercoaster, here goes my list of 20 emotions, feelings and realisations that came around due to to covid19.
In about 6 months I will turn 28, and I am not even close to accomplishing even 1/2 of what I had planned for myself. So, instead of focusing on things that I could have done and did not or haven't had the chance yet, I decided to each month write a post on 27 things that I am thankful for, have actually accomplished, learned in my life, would like to do next year, and many more ideas. So here goes the first list of 27 things I learnt in the last decade.
As we settle into 2020 and the world grieves for the endless fires in Australia or being on the edge of another war breaking out, there is an issue on my mind that may not rank at the same level as a war or nature and many of you might say that this post is on first world problems, yet the focus of this post is mental health and acceptance of yourself - just the way you are.
It is true that in the recent years it has become a hot topic, and there are numerous wellbeing coaches, meditation classes - all to ensure that there are less people burning out at work and are not victims of other mental health issues. Yet somehow this remains underrated. As a human being, we are exposed to circumstances that shape our personality and either give or take away confidence. Sometimes, we blindly believe everyone that is close to us and are so afraid to hurt them that we take the abusive/aggressive behaviour, as the normality without realising the damage that it is causing to our core values and our perception of life. We imagine that this is the way things should be and that it is OK to follow someone's idea or a dream and give up on yours because you are so convinced that your idea won't work that it won't even matter to just try. Often we are scared to even voice any concerns of such attitude and when we do - we feel suppressed and somehow there is always an explanation to why. This explanation is often so well-worded that unwillingly you believe in it yourself, And that is when you should realise "omg I'd rather believe this bullshit than in myself". Do you know how many people actually make this reflection? My guess is the percentage is rather low,
Why? It is easier to follow someone that be yourself. The minute you start changing something, the person/people you followed start getting upset and immediately say "what happened? you changed" but you did not change, you just stopped being one of their sheep. It is tough to take that decision, that leap into unknown. You feel alone, selfish - like everything you are doing is a mistake. Remember this feeling - it is a feeling of a complete freedom, you are taking charge of your life now.
Oxford dictionary defines resilience, as the ability to be happy, successful, etc. again after something difficult or bad has happened. Recently, I have been told that I am quite resilient. At the beginning, I took this as a negative comment, despite the word's lighter meaning, this implies that I often find myself in situations that I need to bounce back from rather quickly. On the second thought, it is probably almost a compliment, as it was spoken at a work place.
Indeed, today, we often talk about resistance to stress, as a valued quality in employees, and perhaps almost undervalue resilience. Resisting to stress is one thing but coping with it is a completely different matter. Some of us resist to stress by taking in all emotions and keeping these inside their hearts, trying to reassure themselves that this will pass by. Others resist to stress by having emotional mood swings, totally my case, and others take breaks for fresh air. Yet after a while, how do you bounce back from that stressful situation and shape back into normality?
What if someone at work offended you? What if you got into a conflict? Do you forget and forgive or do you seek revenge or justice? Ironically, people that seek revenge will almost always try and prove that all they want is justice and fair treatment no matter the cost, even if this compromises their colleagues. I have known my share of such people, and trust me if you are around one, they will get what is coming to them without any help on your end- so just let them be.
Some people find it tough to resume and find inner peace after the events that may have caused distress. This is absolutely normal, and is often found in people that have suffered real trauma. Of course, trauma is relative - it can be experienced in a war zone, where the traumatic causes are rather evident though challenging to understand, and then there is psychological trauma that can be related to the experiences, which is not always identifiable or easy to pin point. And yet, we need to pick ourselves up and go back to normality.
Perhaps, we should focus our energy on learning how to bounce back rather than try and fight with resistance. At the end of the day - what do I know, this is just food for thought.
*I do not own any rights to the image below, used for a blog post purpose only
1. It is OK not to know where you are going and to sometimes feel lost.
2. You are worth fighting for, You are enough.
3, Smile is the best weapon
.4. Being single is your virtue not a fault
5. It is OK to put yourself first for a change
6. Life is going to lead you to where you belong, just trust your gut feeling.
7. Listen to your intuition, it will whisper the right feelings towards your way.
8. It is OK to make mistakes, learn from them and start over
9. If they do not want to be around you or do not see your worth, let them go
10. You are perfect the way you are - surround yourself with people that love you the way you are
11. Your career does not define you
Is it possible to be surrounded by great friends, caring family and thoughtful colleagues and yet feel so alone and insecure. One may ask what else might one need to gain the confidence and believe in themselves? I have absolutely no answer or even an idea how to answer this question but I do know that something is definitely missing. Is it the pursuit of love? Sure, maybe it would remove a layer of self-insecurities if there were someone by my side, someone who could be both a friend and more, someone trustworthy. Yet that is a minor part of a life or even of a person and although it helps to fight the inner insecurities, it won't resolve all issues.
Is it about loving yourself and being comfortable with who you really are? It is definitely a major part of it, and I am not just talking about the looks. You are in charge of your own body and if you want, you can loose the weight or at least make the first step, or do not if you like the way you are. I am talking about your actions, behaviours and interactions with people. How do you tackle the insecurity of being a socially awkward person? Those of you who know me and are reading this might have a different opinion on the matter but recently more than ever I have felt so lost when it comes to socialising.
So now I am at crossroads. What to do? Which step do I take next? How do I stop overthinking and how do I fight these insecurities? Why do I always have a feeling that I've done something wrong?
Walking on the edge of yourself and trying to figure out how you fit into this world is a continuous journey, I guess. The thoughts are scattered all over the place and there is no remedy for it. Maybe it is because I care too much and trying to switch off the caring part of me a little results in the awkwardness, So what is it either letting other people take advantage of you or being awkward?
Anyone with the answers to all of the above questions, drop me a line.
I dare you to tell someone you LOVE them no matter how much it scares you
I dare you to talk to a stranger
I dare you to do something outside of your comfort zone
I dare you to fall in love with yourself
I dare you to be honest with yourself
I dare you to try something new today
I dare you to feel free from anything that stops you from breathing freely
I dare to move - like today never happened
I dare you to forgive someone who hurt you really badly
I dare you to forget the pain caused by someone who does not deserve your tears
I dare you to be yourself
I dare you to enjoy your life to the fullest
I dare you to believe in yourself
I dare you to travel
I dare you to fall in love with someone
I dare you to let free your ambitions and determination
I dare you to have fun today
Sometimes, the brightest smiles hide the deepest secrets, the most beautiful eyes have cried the most tears, and the kindest hearts have felt the most pain. - Anonymous
In the recent survey, most of you have indicated that you'd like to hear more thoughts on self confidence. The Cambridge English dictionary defines self confidence as the belief that you can do things well and that other people respect you. However, what is left out from this definition is how is one to assess their own self confidence or more importantly, how is it built up. In the world we live today, we are always striving to impress someone or trying to fit in; whether it is during a job interview, at a networking event, or simply even in the group of our friends or even try and prove a point to your family.
We often talk about peer-pressure when it comes to teenagers, and how it is the biggest struggle to find friends without giving in to the peer pressure to fit in. Yet really, is the peer-pressure only applicable to teenage years? A recent psychological study showed that when kids grow up in a family, where they always have to prove themselves or live the life plan of their parents, they are more likely to find themselves to share the following characteristics: people pleasing, often in abusive and controlling relationships, cannot make up their minds, become followers rather than leaders. This has a major impact on the self confidence.
We also have our own insecurities; some of which we are born with so to speak, but some are then cultivated by our experiences be it professional or personal. Someone you are dating once compared you to someone else, or your supervisor questioned your actions, or called you and idiot in front of the clients - all these would add up to major insecurity issue and lack of self-confidence.
Having experienced traumatic events in my life, I know for a fact that it is a tough one to bounce back from. It takes time to gain your confidence back and the most important realisation is that it is OK to give yourself time, to learn how you trust yourself. However, we should not let our insecurity take the best of us and eat up our lives. As tough as it is, it is important to open up and trust your gut feeling again.
I tend to hide behind my insecurities a lot, always doubting every single thing: my looks, my jokes, my work, my friends - literary everything. To tackle the issue, I have taken up sports and have gone through a cleanse starting from nutrition to the circle of friends, trying my best to surround myself with things that make me happy, and letting myself be a little selfish in prioritising me first. This may seem shallow or strange, but it is a step closer to loving yourself. After all, you have to learn to love yourself for who you are before you can let anyone else in, right?
I define self confidence as a journey. A journey that one has to take with oneself learning all the traps and hiccups on the way, and always striving to be better and become someone one is supposed to be. Any thoughts?
Have you ever felt like the world around you stopped making any sense? It is almost like everything you've known has disappeared or has been transformed somehow into something unknown. It is like waking up from a dream and seeing the true colors of the situation, true colors of personalities around you and true colors of yourself. The situation being strange in itself, almost paradoxical, living in a neutral country with a roof over your head and food on your table and the job to provide for all of the above – what could possibly be missing or go wrong in this scenario? Perhaps, when you live in a well-developed country, you are more focused on fairly superficial aspects of your life than on the important things. Though can we call personal well-being superficial? You'd say well it depends to which point we stretch the term "well-being" - maybe having another Prada bag is not a crisis enough and is indeed superficial, but feeling like you are on the edge of a burn-out – is more of a real time issue.